Monday, August 15, 2016

Like Sunday Like Rain

Such a beautiful score from the movie Like Sunday, Like Rain. I loved how the director let music take over a lot of the scenes carrying the emotional weight of  the characters and moments. With people who live and breathe music, I think having a sort of sad yet sweet melody lingering in the air throughout the film was really brilliant. I sorta wish my life had its own score too. Have you ever wondered what sort of music would accompany your waking moments?

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

The Peace of Wild Things

It's always lovely to chance upon a little gem of a read and this is beginning to be my go-to poem when I need to find rest and peace in the midst of a busy world.

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Sunday, May 31, 2015

the dark night of the soul

I try not to talk too much about my dark night moments here in this blog cause I never wanted this to turn into the rantings of a 30 year old. I've captured the rantings of my 20 year old life in the old blog and felt like this new space should be filled with fun stuff and all things wise.

But this experience with dark nights seem to be a constant shadow that follows me through the various seasons of life.

However you might describe it, be it a black dog, a dark night of the soul, cancer of the soul, a fog, trying to keep your head above water, numbness, or a ten tonne ball of lead in your gut, I've come to see it for what it is - a war raging in the depths of my being.

Some days it's hard to live in my own skin. I often feel like the same insecure teenager, though a decade and a half has passed since then. Other days, it feels like  wave after wave of grief. It's like living in a constant shadow when all you want is a little bit of sunshine. I know I've just to turn and face the light, and that shadow will be behind me. But some days, it's just hard to even get out from under the covers.

Life is overwhelming at times and these battle comes in seasons. It's always lurking, ready to pounce. Everything's a lot scarier and bigger and hopeless in the dark. But by God's grace, today I'll find the courage to step out and flip that light switch. After all these years, the one thing I'm sure of is that when I persevere and praise Him, happiness will start to settle back into my skin.

"Even when my strength is lost
I'll praise You
Even when I have no song
I'll praise You
Even when it's hard to find the words
Louder then I'll sing Your praise" 
Even When it Hurts, Hillsong United, Empire

Monday, March 30, 2015

Music Monday: The King's Parade

We were in London two years ago and chanced upon this little band busking at Trafalgar Square in Central London. They were so animated and drew quite a crowd as they sang this exact song! We loved what we heard so we bought a cd they were selling. I didn't get to listen to it till recently when I was cleaning out my cupboard and found it amidst the chaos that is my nightstand. 

I don't know much about the band but I remember our trip to London was one of the best vacations Jason and I have had. Here's hoping for more vacations coupled with great music in the years to come!

Happy Birthday luv! 

Monday, December 1, 2014

Music Monday: Ásgeir

Ásgeir's version of Nirvana's 'Heart-Shaped Box'is pretty darn cool. Hailing from Iceland, this solo singer-songwriter's music is described as melodic folk and is just my cup of tea on these rainy evenings at work. :)

Monday, October 6, 2014

Music Monday: Nate Eiesland

I started listening to this track before the weekend rolled round and it's sorta been on repeat since. 'Drifting' really just captivates with its guitars, sustained piano chords and lyrics. It's sort of a sad song but I mean good music is just good music no matter what the tone. It's so dreamy and sad ... much of what my weekend has been like so maybe my husband has a point... I should definitely stop listening to so many sad songs.

This song was written along other music composers as a contribution to the compilation Red Brick Songs which features 15 songwriters from all across north America.

If you're up for it, check out Nate Eiesland's band ON AN ON

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Life's little joys

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” - CS Lewis

On a particularly rough moment in my life, I sought a counselor whose one advise helped me climb out of the pit of depression. She said that I should, renew my thoughts daily.

"Start with positive affirmations," she said. "It doesn't have to be big and grand, maybe just that you will have Joy today."

And so I began my day with a short prayer that I would have Joy. It seemed simple enough but on days when it was hard to pull myself out of bed I thought - fake it till you make it!

And so I prayed, "Fill me with Joy, Lord." And I pushed through another day. Every day I prayed for Joy, I felt tensions releasing. Another day I survived a destructing habit, was a victory which filled me with hope.

The Lord's word says in Romans 12:2 "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

In the New Living Translation it says, "...let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

I knew that I was not intended to live a life of despair and I should be living a victorious life. But here I was writing morose poetry about being lost in the dark and realising that I was in the lowest possible time in life. It's just that hopeless feeling where you think this couldn't possibly get any worse and then you find new levels of low! It seemed never ending and there was no way out of the vicious cycle.

Christian's aren't exempted from depression. It happens. I'm glad I was equipped with the right tools for battle and I had friends who would encourage and nurture. I fought hard to pick myself up and even though I sought answers though the Bible, I was still left with hopelessness.

Reading Jeremiah 29:13 left me in tears when it says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." I thought to myself, I have no strength to seek. I just haven't got the strength to do ANYTHING wholeheartedly. Does that mean He wouldn't come and find me instead?

I read something recently which I wish I had known then. The article was about Thomas' encounter with Jesus. 'Jesus didn't rebuke him for doubting. Rather, he gave Thomas what he needed. He invited Thomas to touch his wounds, and only then did Jesus tell him he could stop doubting.'

The article goes on to say that, 'The beauty of this is Thomas had an encounter with Jesus none of the other disciples did. Nowhere does Jesus condemn doubt, rather He meets people right where they are in it.'

He meets people right where they are in it. As you work out your faith. As you work out your unbelief.

He meets you right where you are.

I'm going to say that again... He meets you right where you are.

Where I am today is a little different from where I was in my early twenties. I'm no longer the disturbed, suicidal, melancholic youth I used to be. My good days outnumber the bad ones. And bad days don't last as long as they used to.

I've found that Joy I prayed for so fervently. I think about how my outlook on life and my attitude has a way of influencing others and I think about words that have power to build instead of words that destruct. And I look for little reminders to get me through the day.

Today's reminder came in another one of Bob Goff's interviews. Bob Goff said, “I think you’re a better advocate for yourself and others with some joy in your back pocket.”

So I think today, I'm packed and loaded and ready to roll.